The Bag Lady decided that this year she is in need of a little revamping. Her record-breaking speed at breaking her New Year’s resolutions has left her a little breathless (wait, maybe that’s from the cigarettes….) and she is feeling a little guilty over that.
She thought she’d start smaller, so after her shower, she faced herself in the mirror and recalled a commercial for some hair product that made the model in the advertisement look cute and perky. Now, it’s been several (many) years since the Bag Lady was either cute or perky, but it was worth a shot. The Bag Lady has a standing, yearly appointment with her hairdresser – the rest of the year, she hacks off her bangs and ignores the rest. This makes her hairdresser really unhappy, which in turn results in a really bad haircut, which makes the Bag Lady hesitate to go back…but her memory fades over the year, so she returns to the same hairdresser year after year. It’s a vicious circle, like so many things in life.
The Bag Lady has naturally curly hair, and has spent a good portion of her life taming the curl. To the point where some of it now refuses to curl (like, go to hell, you’ve been forcing us straight forever, now you want us to switch back?!) Of course, only SOME of it refuses to curl; the rest still does its’ own, unruly thing. So she thought she would try something different. She dried it with the blow-dryer, allowing it to do the flip thing it wanted to do. So far, so good. Most of it was flipping in the same direction.
Then she got out her little jar of hair glue stuff (similar, she’s positive, to the stuff in the TV commercial) and applied it in chunky globs, just like on TV. Imagine her dismay when instead of cute and perky, the image staring back at her was more “blonde Pippi Longstocking” without the braids, but with the flip. For those of you who have no idea who Pippi was, envision Wendy (of hamburger joint fame) as a faded old lady who really should have watched her consumption of all those burgers!
She then sort of shmooshed it all down against her head, which reduced the resemblance to Wendy and Pippi, but still didn’t look at all cute, nor perky. Instead, she resembled the boy in the front row in junior high school - you all know the type - he was the one with his pens (oops, almost made a Freudian typo there, and if that had reached his breast pocket, he'd'a been way more popular with all those hormonally-charged teenage girls!) in a pocket protector. Tomorrow, she’s going back to her regular June Allyson look. (If you don’t know who June is, you’ll have to Google her – the Bag Lady is too depressed to try explaining!)
Oh, and the Bag Lady tried to upload a photo to show you what she's talking about, but Blogger refused to allow it. Guess that says it all.