A day in the life.....
(Warning: this post is not for the faint of heart - contains graphic language!)
Leap out of bed, run to bathroom, squirt half an ounce of liquid from your butt. Sit there and wait until the cramps subside and you can no longer feel your feet.
Gingerly take a swipe at the brightly burning star in the middle of your butt with what the commercials tout as pillowy soft toilet paper, but has been secretly exchanged for sandpaper.
Readjust clothing, consisting of pajamas, long underwear, warmest housecoat.
Wash hands with soap (again) until they resemble shiny plastic replicas of the soft smooth skin you had a mere 4 days ago.
Shiver your way to the kitchen and peer through the frost-encrusted window at the thermometer which still has not budged from minus 40 (is it broken? It can't possibly still be that frickin' cold).
Open door for dog to go out. Confirm that yes, it is still that frickin' cold.
Huddle deeper into housecoat, waiting by door for dog.
Open door again as dog scampers inside, holding one foot close to body.
Shove as much wood as possible into wood stove.
Curse once again at satellite TV receiver that isn't working (unless you want to watch TSN!)
Shiver your way back to bed, crawling under 14 quilts, shoving 2 cats out of the way. Rub cat hair off face.
Finally warm up, start to drift off to sleep, leap from bed, run to bathroom, squirt half an ounce of liquid from butt.....
30 comments:
Oh you poor thing... I have been there before but luckily not in the extreme cold temperatures that you describe!
It feels like it will never end doesn't it... like you will never feel normal again. You will though - promise!
I hope you feel better real soon.
OH BL I feel for you.
**hugs**
Oh ye of bad visuals.. poor thing. Three days of this is not so typical though. Keep drinking lots of water.. don't let yourself get dehydrated. And get the rancher to make you some chicken soup or something. Sending warm, healing thoughts your way.
Sending as much health your way as I can spare, BL.
Mary Anne in Kentucky
Awwwww! Poor Bag Lady :(
Hilarious post though :D
Crazylady - Thanks. This feels like it's never going to end, alright. I'm holding you to that promise!:)
Thanks, Miz, but don't get too close - I don't want anyone else to catch this!
Hilary - you're right - this is not so typical. I am keeping hydrated, but if it hasn't cleared up by Monday, I'll see a doctor.
Mary Anne - thanks! I know you have medical issues of your own, so I appreciate your sacrifice! :)
Christine - I'm glad you enjoyed it! I forgot to complain about the damned computer freezing up, too. ~~sigh~~
"I know you have medical issues of your own, so I appreciate your sacrifice! :)"
I'm feeling fairly good right now. You notice I didn't offer any warm weather....
Mary Anne in Kentucky
All that and your satellite receiver doesn't work? Ohh.
I hope you get well soon, and I hope that sandpaper gets replaced soon.
Mary Anne - are you saying you have none to spare?
dfLeah - thanks. I spent an hour on hold on the phone yesterday (challenging!) then another hour talking to the technician and pushing the buttons I was told to push, and it still doesn't work! GRRR
I wish I could send a little of our warm weather your way. Your body will surely get the upper hand on that bug soon. Until then, electrolytes!
BG - thanks - our forecast is for warmer weather by Monday.... personally, I think it's the carrot. Dangled just out of reach so we'll keep going......
:)
GET BETTER!!
Big big hugs (from a distance:D).
oh wow, I can't believe you're still under the weather (LOL, no pun intended!) Cold weather, under the weather, oh never mind!
I'm sending you mental warm rays...hopefully they'll make it all the way up there : )
Sagan - thanks for the hugs (and you are wise to keep your distance - you do not want this!)
Emily - thanks for the warmth, I hope it gets here soon!! (The forecast says it's supposed to warm up on Monday - cross your fingers!)
Poor sweet baby! I've been there (except for the 40 below part) and it seems like time just stops. Hope you're all better this instant!
Thanks, Amy. Things are still pretty much the same this morning, but it has warmed up to about -35C.....:)
I'm so sorry!
Now I'm backing away in fear of getting this (although the weight-loss aspect does appeal...)
kcinnova - if only I would lose weight, at least there would have been a side benefit to all this suffering! Nary an ounce.....~~sigh~~
Oh man...sounds awful.
I hope you're on the mend soon.
Thanks, Geo. It does seem to be slightly better today - hopefully will be all gone by tomorrow when I have to run errands in town!!
Oh dear. That sounds absolutely miserable!!!!
Hope the trip to town goes ok and that you feel back to normal soon. What an awful way to start the year.
Thanks, Crabby! The temperature has warmed up, at least.....
:)
thinking about you, Friend.
Oh no! I really hope you feel better soon Bag Lady!! Don't forget to rehydrate!
TA x
Errands to "run"? Ha. This is the time when you whine and look pitiful and get a laptop! I keep telling you, -40 is God's way of saying move...
Thanks, Carla.
Hi, TA! I'm trying to stay hydrated, really I am. This is getting ridiculous....
Hi, Marianne - well, at least it warmed up - it's still winter, but not quite as cold. :)
Uggh. This does not sound enjoyable. Hope you feel better soon!!
Thanks, Sarah! I keep hoping that, too....:)
Poor Bag Lady! Definitely no fun being sick!!!
*hugs*
Thanks, Missicat, but hug from a distance - you do not want to catch this!!
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