Friday, January 30, 2009

Truths

Perhaps staying home was just what the Bag Lady needed yesterday. She feels much better today, and her brain is functioning almost normally. Well, normally for her....

She did a few domestic chores yesterday, then spent some time in the kitchen. She made a big pot of her home-made beans, and a loaf of bread. The Rancher was home, so he plowed the driveway and tried to clear away some of the ice in the pasture so the cows have an easier time getting to and from the waterer.

Here are some things the Bag Lady has learned lately:


1. If you are foolish enough to wear your tightest jeans when you are painting your fingernails, your bladder will require immediate attention while your nails are still wet.

2. If you want the phone to ring, stick your head in the sink. As soon as you apply the shampoo, someone will want to chat.

3. If you want the doorbell to ring when you are home alone, apply a cleansing mask to your face, preferably one in a vile shade of green.

4. If you shampoo the carpet, your dog will discover the only mud for miles around, right before someone lets him in.

5. If you get up in the middle of the night without turning on a light, you will discover that your cat finally got rid of that hairball.....with your bare feet.



The Bag Lady knows these to be true. From personal experience.

28 comments:

MizFit said...

:)

and with number five I have also oft found I discover walls Id forgotten were there----with my FACE.

happy friday BL!

R said...

Never a dull day over here! Always looking forward to reading your blog Bag Lady!! Thanks for the laughs!

Have a great weekend!!
~rupal

Geosomin said...

It's always fun to play "where's the hairball" isn't it...

Hope you have a nice weekend :)

mealmixer said...

If you sneak off to bed early, your children will pile into your bed to watch American Idol (yeah, it was sweet, and I crashed cuddled between them).

If you forget to put the wash in the dryer, someone will step in the coffee you just spilled with his last pair of socks.

the Bag Lady said...

Miz - oh no - you too? Have a great weekend!

Rupal - thanks - hope your weekend is super!

Geo - how does a cat know exactly where you'll put your foot?! Hope your weekend is great and that you are feeling better.

Marianne - oh yes, those are true, too! Never fails....

JavaChick said...

Yeah...I can also attest to that hairball one. Not fun. Glad you are feeling better though!

the Bag Lady said...

Javachick - oh yeah, the cold, wet hairball squishing up between your toes....something no-one should ever have to experience!
Have a great weekend!

messymimi said...

Dad's bare foot will find the one Lego block the child missed -- at 1 a.m.

The surest way to get the very important phone call you've been waiting for is to finally give up and go to the can or for the baby to have a huge blowout diaper.

Also, just as cats have a cloak of invisibility to put on as soon as you need to take them to the vet, they also have ESP and know ahead of time where you will step.

kcinnova said...

Oh, my!

the Bag Lady said...

Messymimi - too true! There are so many truths I missed....

kcinnova - oh yes.

bunnygirl said...

Mine is that the lawn guy and the UPS guy will only come knocking on the door when I'm in my bathrobe and Dan isn't at home.

As for nails, I always make a mess, so I use these "dry polish" appliques: http://www.incoco.com/

the Bag Lady said...

BG - that's always true - someone always comes to the door when you aren't "presentable". At least I usually have a little warning - I can see them coming, if I'm paying attention....

Sagan said...

Aw you make me laugh!

I swear my best friend waits until I step into the shower before he phones me. Either that or I take a hell of a lot of showers. But I'm pretty sure I'm not THAT clean (or dirty? Guess it depends on perspective...)

#5 is one of the pros of no longer living in the same place as the cat haha.

Aleta said...

I had to laugh about the tight jeans and nail situation. Thanks for the tip!

Ugh, I know about the clean rug and dog's mud paths!!

And ewwww.. don't mention hairballs. Tigger gets them from time to time. Yucko!

Any recipe for the beans??

the Bag Lady said...

Sagan - some people just seem to have radar when it comes to phoning when you are in the shower, or otherwise occupied!

Aleta - go here for the bean recipe. I swear you won't be sorry!
http://bagladysblather.blogspot.com/2007/11/recipe-day.html

Tom Rooney said...

Great list Baglady. Also, If you want the dog to go out an do his/her business, make sure you're just settled in under the covers.

If you want to meet your child's new girlfriend or boyfriend, just take a shower, as they'll be sure to wait right outside the door.

Reb said...

There are unfortunately worse things that long hair cats can leave for you to find in the dark in bare feet. Just one more reason to keep a trim butt ;)

Redbush said...

Yummmm! Home-made baked beans, and fresh bread! It doesn't get better than that! Isn't the recipe: some beans, some brown sugar, some mustard, some ketchup, a little bit of salt and pepper, a bit of wine-vinegar, and whatever else you like? Ha!
As to the painted nail phenomenon, isn't it just Murphy's law? It never fails when your bathroom needs cleaning, your best friend always comes to visit! Ha! Or, when your hands are up to your elbow in ground meat making meatballs, the doorbell always rings, or you get that important phone call you've been waiting weeks to receive, and if you don't answer it pronto, you have to go through the procedure again of, " if you want the message in English, press 1, to get you to the right place, press 2 etc.! Oh, ya! I totally relate! Have a great weekend, and stay clear of the ice!

Missicat said...

Definitely! Especially number 5.
Fresh bread! mmmmm...the smell alone is worth it!

new*me said...

yikes........hairball!!!! Glad you had a slower day for a change ;)

the Bag Lady said...

Tom - those are true, too, aren't they? Cause and effect.

Reb - thanks for sharing... and not going into too much detail!

Redbush - yup, Murphy's Law. Always happens!

Missicat - and the bread was so-o good!

Annette - Have a great weekend, too!

Crabby McSlacker said...

Great list!

Since my cat makes such a production out of hairballs, usually the disgusting noises she makes are audible for quite a while and they serve as a warning to either turn on the lights or tread carefully.

Is there anything grosser than the sound of cat coughing up a hairball?

the Bag Lady said...

Crabby - I am sure that there has to be something that sounds worse than a cat horking up a hairball; I just can't think of any right now!!

Hilary said...

Huacha Huacha HUACHA COUGH HACK KERSPLATTER. <-- hairballs expulsion noises courtesy of one who has experienced many - mostly invisible until discovered by said bare foot. It's still not as bad as cat vomit though.

And according to Reb, I won't step in gross things as long as my butt is trim? Back to Cranky Fitness I go!

the Bag Lady said...

Thanks, Hilary! Very explicit. Almost too explicit....

:)

Amy Mullis said...

Truth with a capital T, Baggie. And that hairball one. . .that's my specialty. Yuk.

Poutalicious said...

My favorite is going in the dark to the bathroom and falling in because again the seat was left up. Help, can someone get a crow bar and come pry me out?

the Bag Lady said...

Oh, yes, that damned cold porcelain and even colder water.....!!