Saturday, January 3, 2009

Health and Weather Update

A day in the life.....

(Warning: this post is not for the faint of heart - contains graphic language!)

Leap out of bed, run to bathroom, squirt half an ounce of liquid from your butt. Sit there and wait until the cramps subside and you can no longer feel your feet.

Gingerly take a swipe at the brightly burning star in the middle of your butt with what the commercials tout as pillowy soft toilet paper, but has been secretly exchanged for sandpaper.

Readjust clothing, consisting of pajamas, long underwear, warmest housecoat.

Wash hands with soap (again) until they resemble shiny plastic replicas of the soft smooth skin you had a mere 4 days ago.

Shiver your way to the kitchen and peer through the frost-encrusted window at the thermometer which still has not budged from minus 40 (is it broken? It can't possibly still be that frickin' cold).

Open door for dog to go out. Confirm that yes, it is still that frickin' cold.

Huddle deeper into housecoat, waiting by door for dog.

Open door again as dog scampers inside, holding one foot close to body.

Shove as much wood as possible into wood stove.

Curse once again at satellite TV receiver that isn't working (unless you want to watch TSN!)

Shiver your way back to bed, crawling under 14 quilts, shoving 2 cats out of the way. Rub cat hair off face.

Finally warm up, start to drift off to sleep, leap from bed, run to bathroom, squirt half an ounce of liquid from butt.....

30 comments:

Crazylady said...

Oh you poor thing... I have been there before but luckily not in the extreme cold temperatures that you describe!

It feels like it will never end doesn't it... like you will never feel normal again. You will though - promise!

I hope you feel better real soon.

MizFit said...

OH BL I feel for you.

**hugs**

Hilary said...

Oh ye of bad visuals.. poor thing. Three days of this is not so typical though. Keep drinking lots of water.. don't let yourself get dehydrated. And get the rancher to make you some chicken soup or something. Sending warm, healing thoughts your way.

solarity said...

Sending as much health your way as I can spare, BL.

Mary Anne in Kentucky

Christine said...

Awwwww! Poor Bag Lady :(

Hilarious post though :D

the Bag Lady said...

Crazylady - Thanks. This feels like it's never going to end, alright. I'm holding you to that promise!:)

Thanks, Miz, but don't get too close - I don't want anyone else to catch this!

Hilary - you're right - this is not so typical. I am keeping hydrated, but if it hasn't cleared up by Monday, I'll see a doctor.

Mary Anne - thanks! I know you have medical issues of your own, so I appreciate your sacrifice! :)

Christine - I'm glad you enjoyed it! I forgot to complain about the damned computer freezing up, too. ~~sigh~~

solarity said...

"I know you have medical issues of your own, so I appreciate your sacrifice! :)"

I'm feeling fairly good right now. You notice I didn't offer any warm weather....

Mary Anne in Kentucky

Leah J. Utas said...

All that and your satellite receiver doesn't work? Ohh.
I hope you get well soon, and I hope that sandpaper gets replaced soon.

the Bag Lady said...

Mary Anne - are you saying you have none to spare?

dfLeah - thanks. I spent an hour on hold on the phone yesterday (challenging!) then another hour talking to the technician and pushing the buttons I was told to push, and it still doesn't work! GRRR

bunnygirl said...

I wish I could send a little of our warm weather your way. Your body will surely get the upper hand on that bug soon. Until then, electrolytes!

the Bag Lady said...

BG - thanks - our forecast is for warmer weather by Monday.... personally, I think it's the carrot. Dangled just out of reach so we'll keep going......
:)

Sagan said...

GET BETTER!!

Big big hugs (from a distance:D).

Emily said...

oh wow, I can't believe you're still under the weather (LOL, no pun intended!) Cold weather, under the weather, oh never mind!

I'm sending you mental warm rays...hopefully they'll make it all the way up there : )

the Bag Lady said...

Sagan - thanks for the hugs (and you are wise to keep your distance - you do not want this!)

Emily - thanks for the warmth, I hope it gets here soon!! (The forecast says it's supposed to warm up on Monday - cross your fingers!)

Amy Mullis said...

Poor sweet baby! I've been there (except for the 40 below part) and it seems like time just stops. Hope you're all better this instant!

the Bag Lady said...

Thanks, Amy. Things are still pretty much the same this morning, but it has warmed up to about -35C.....:)

kcinnova said...

I'm so sorry!

Now I'm backing away in fear of getting this (although the weight-loss aspect does appeal...)

the Bag Lady said...

kcinnova - if only I would lose weight, at least there would have been a side benefit to all this suffering! Nary an ounce.....~~sigh~~

Geosomin said...

Oh man...sounds awful.
I hope you're on the mend soon.

the Bag Lady said...

Thanks, Geo. It does seem to be slightly better today - hopefully will be all gone by tomorrow when I have to run errands in town!!

Crabby McSlacker said...

Oh dear. That sounds absolutely miserable!!!!

Hope the trip to town goes ok and that you feel back to normal soon. What an awful way to start the year.

the Bag Lady said...

Thanks, Crabby! The temperature has warmed up, at least.....

:)

carla said...

thinking about you, Friend.

tokaiangel said...

Oh no! I really hope you feel better soon Bag Lady!! Don't forget to rehydrate!

TA x

darksnark said...

Errands to "run"? Ha. This is the time when you whine and look pitiful and get a laptop! I keep telling you, -40 is God's way of saying move...

the Bag Lady said...

Thanks, Carla.

Hi, TA! I'm trying to stay hydrated, really I am. This is getting ridiculous....

Hi, Marianne - well, at least it warmed up - it's still winter, but not quite as cold. :)

Sarah said...

Uggh. This does not sound enjoyable. Hope you feel better soon!!

the Bag Lady said...

Thanks, Sarah! I keep hoping that, too....:)

Missicat said...

Poor Bag Lady! Definitely no fun being sick!!!
*hugs*

the Bag Lady said...

Thanks, Missicat, but hug from a distance - you do not want to catch this!!