Friday, January 11, 2008

Bad Hair Day

The Bag Lady decided that this year she is in need of a little revamping. Her record-breaking speed at breaking her New Year’s resolutions has left her a little breathless (wait, maybe that’s from the cigarettes….) and she is feeling a little guilty over that.

She thought she’d start smaller, so after her shower, she faced herself in the mirror and recalled a commercial for some hair product that made the model in the advertisement look cute and perky. Now, it’s been several (many) years since the Bag Lady was either cute or perky, but it was worth a shot. The Bag Lady has a standing, yearly appointment with her hairdresser – the rest of the year, she hacks off her bangs and ignores the rest. This makes her hairdresser really unhappy, which in turn results in a really bad haircut, which makes the Bag Lady hesitate to go back…but her memory fades over the year, so she returns to the same hairdresser year after year. It’s a vicious circle, like so many things in life.

The Bag Lady has naturally curly hair, and has spent a good portion of her life taming the curl. To the point where some of it now refuses to curl (like, go to hell, you’ve been forcing us straight forever, now you want us to switch back?!) Of course, only SOME of it refuses to curl; the rest still does its’ own, unruly thing. So she thought she would try something different. She dried it with the blow-dryer, allowing it to do the flip thing it wanted to do. So far, so good. Most of it was flipping in the same direction.

Then she got out her little jar of hair glue stuff (similar, she’s positive, to the stuff in the TV commercial) and applied it in chunky globs, just like on TV. Imagine her dismay when instead of cute and perky, the image staring back at her was more “blonde Pippi Longstocking” without the braids, but with the flip. For those of you who have no idea who Pippi was, envision Wendy (of hamburger joint fame) as a faded old lady who really should have watched her consumption of all those burgers!

She then sort of shmooshed it all down against her head, which reduced the resemblance to Wendy and Pippi, but still didn’t look at all cute, nor perky. Instead, she resembled the boy in the front row in junior high school - you all know the type - he was the one with his pens (oops, almost made a Freudian typo there, and if that had reached his breast pocket, he'd'a been way more popular with all those hormonally-charged teenage girls!) in a pocket protector. Tomorrow, she’s going back to her regular June Allyson look. (If you don’t know who June is, you’ll have to Google her – the Bag Lady is too depressed to try explaining!)

Oh, and the Bag Lady tried to upload a photo to show you what she's talking about, but Blogger refused to allow it. Guess that says it all.

22 comments:

Leah J.Utas said...

Well, Pippi is an engaging character.

Too bad about the photo.

the Bag Lady said...

Actually, dfLeah, it's better this way - the photo looked rather like the Flying Nun, but I wasn't sure how many people would remember her.

Leah J.Utas said...

Ahh, Sr. Bertrille. Sally Field, Alejandro Rey. Good, good memories.

Emily said...

I used to love Pippi!! My husband has REALLY thick and curly hair and we've FINALLY found how to get it straight (after various shampoos, conditioners, gels, goos and yelling)... FLAT IRON. And as we learned the hard way, it can not be a cheap Wally World kind, oh no, it has to be the 470 degree PROFESSIONAL kind. Any who, my hair does nothing but hang there but at least I can sympathize kinda sorta. Oh, and I remember the flying nun too- guess my parents wanted to make sure I could keep up in the blog world when I "grew up" LOL

bunnygirl said...

Thanks for reminding me I need to buy a new curling iron today.

I thought my hair was forever-hopeless because Gulf Coast humidity will promptly ruin any style, no matter what you do and no matter how good it looks before you walk out the door. Then I got a super-pricey cut and OMG, my hair looked fantabulous, every time!

Sadly, I can't afford to look that good all the time and it's a b*tch to get an appointment with that particular stylist. So I'm with you, dear. Bring on the hair glue!

Sarah said...

Haha! I wish blogger had let you, I was picturing what it would look like the whole time! Too funny. And cancel the snow fed-ex, we woke up this morning to all kinds of the stuff!!

the Bag Lady said...

Emily - your parents must be true visionaries! Good for them for giving you such a good grounding! Oh, and the Bag Lady has ironed her hair in the past, too, but that was before they invented hair irons...it was really hard on the neck, trying to lay my head on the ironing board, to say nothing of the scars on her forehead from miscalculations! :)
Bunnygirl - humidity is the WORST, isn't it?!
True confessions time - the Bag Lady's brother is a professional hair-stylist, and when he cuts her hair, it always looks fabulous! Unfortunately, he no longer lives within easy commuting distance, so she's stuck with whomever. And, truth be told, her hairdresser is perfectly adequate, as long as she cuts it really, really short. Lots of hairdressers do not understand curly hair.

the Bag Lady said...

Hi, Sarah - Actually, it's really better this way - just imagine Pippi, Wendy and the Flying Nun rolled into one old, fat, fading blonde (really must remember to get some hair-colour today!!)

See, the Bag Lady told you there was snow heading your way!

P.O.M. said...

Oh. I love Pippi. She was an awesome strong young lady - living all by herself with Mr. Nilsson. Going on adventures, waiting for her dad -the Sea Captain! Remember when she went down that big Waterfall in a barrell?

Be Proud Pippi. Be proud.

Missicat said...

I made a "flying nun" reference during my Pilates class (had to do with a pose) and one of the girls there just stared at me with a puzzled look...*sigh*

the Bag Lady said...

The Bag Lady apologises for her absence this afternoon - her Internet Provider went down, so what's a girl to do? She went to town! (after styling her hair in regular Bag Lady fashion!)
p.o.m. - Pippi was very brave. The Bag Lady should aspire to be more like her!
missicat - yes, the younger generation missed out on some great cultural icons...damned shame.

Reb said...

Late to the party today, so sorry! Of course, the curly problem and brother being far away are only two of the reasons I haven't had my hair cut since it came back in. It is so great to wake up looking like Medusa isn't it?

the Bag Lady said...

Yes, Reb. The hairdo in the morning can sometimes be quite amazing!

Crabby McSlacker said...

Hilarious post!

I can so relate to bad hair days, as I have a lot of them.

And the Flying Nun is becoming an obscure reference? That's depressing somehow. I used to watch it all the time.

the Bag Lady said...

Thanks, Crabby! It is sad, isn't it, that the younger generation missed out on the Flying Nun - it was a cute show. Of course, there are lots of things the younger generation refers to now that the Bag Lady has no idea what they are talking about...sigh.

Mamacita Chilena said...

oh bag lady, I feel your pain.

I have curly/straight/sometimes half curly half straight hair.

It's impossible. It makes me want to hurt people like Jessica Simpson and Katherine McPhee.

the Bag Lady said...

mamacita, is it possible you and the Bag Lady are long-lost cousins? Frustrating, isn't it?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

But at least you come equipped with lots of stylish and functional bags to put over your head.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I have straight hair. My oldest daughter has curly hair. We spend half our lives bitching about how difficult our hair is. :)

the Bag Lady said...

"Gimme down to there, hair, shoulder-length or longer..."
At least we have it to bitch about it...

JavaChick said...

Curly Hair Survival Guide:
1. A good layered cut.
2. Curl cream.
3. Blow dryer with diffuser on low.

Do not fight the curl. You will lose.

:)

P.S. You are right - it's hard to find a hairdresser who is good with curly hair.

the Bag Lady said...

You, too, javachick?! The Bag Lady fought with it for years, so is kinda stuck in the same hairstyle. She did let it do it's own thing for a few years, when it was long, but tries to keep it shorter now, more in keeping with her sedate, older look (hehehehe)