Monday, March 17, 2008

A Hottie?

Well, the Bag Lady has certainly learned a few things over the past couple of days. Hopefully, she is smart enough to remember the lessons.





One of them will stick with her awhile, because she will be reminded every time she looks in the mirror.


She decided the other day, whilst waiting for the computer repair shop to call and tell her her computer was ready, that she would get a little tarted up for her trip to town. She bought some mascara a while back that is waterproof, smudgeproof, along with a bunch of other -proofs that she can't remember. So she curled her skimpy little lashes and coated them with this gunk. She managed not to get any in her eyes (not much, anyway) and only smeared a little of it on her eyelid. Once she got the smear cleaned away (with an industrial-strength make-up remover), she added a little blush and a little eye-shadow and was set.



She'll skip over the saga of the computer fiasco because she doesn't want this to turn into a rant, which brings her to Saturday night. She still had the mascara coating her lashes, because it doesn't come off with soap and water, and she hadn't bothered to haul out the industrial strength make-up remover. She was doing her Suzy Home-maker impression, making a nice pot roast for her Cowboy. She decided she had better check to see how things were progressing in the oven, so she opened the door and leaned in to pull out the roaster. She has done this the same way for her entire life and has never had a problem. But she was never wearing this particular waterproof, smudgeproof and everything but heat-proof mascara before. Before she even had a chance to say "Covergirl", her eyelashes had melted!!



Well, in truth, only the eyelashes on her right eye had melted. She must have had her head tilted a little and, in good boxer fashion, was leading with her right. The eyelashes on her left eye just formed a coalition. So now the Bag Lady looks even stranger than she normally looks because she has one bald eye. The one thing she is thankful for is that she only had the mascara on her top eyelashes - if she had applied it to the bottom lashes, she fears it would have melted together, effectively welding her eyes shut.



She is also thankful that the mascara seems to have a high melting point because she has been really steamed at the computer shop, to say nothing of the little tropical moments she experiences on a regular basis. She does think, though, that this particular brand of mascara should have a label warning against this kind of heat-induced melt-down. And she will be more careful in the future. That is, if her eyelashes ever get long enough to put mascara on again!

(She has a new magnet on her fridge: "I'm still HOT, it just comes in flashes now!")

24 comments:

Scrumpy's Baker said...

Oh my goodness! I had never heard of such a danger! I'm going to be much more careful now.

It's so good to have you back!!!

the Bag Lady said...

Thanks, SB - it's good to be back! I have worn various brands of mascara in the past, and worked as a cook in a restaurant, but have never had my mascara melt before! It was certainly an experience...not one I'm willing to repeat, though.

Leah J.Utas said...

Melting mascara is a new one. You really ought to contact the company and complain that they failed to warn the consumer about this danger.
I can't wear mascara because once the tube is opened it makes my eyes itch. I don't wear any makeup at all any more and haven't in almost 20 years. I see I've missed out on some interesting adventures.

the Bag Lady said...

The Bag lady doesn't wear it often, either, dfLeah. And won't be wearing it again for awhile...
Some adventures, she can live without!

bunnygirl said...

Wow, that's one adventure I've never had! I'm glad my glasses provide a little protection when I bake!

Crabby McSlacker said...

Oh no!

It's so obvious you're not American, because if you were your first inclination would be to sue the mascara company for 7.9 million dollars for emotional distress.

But instead you're having a laugh about it and being all calm and rational.

What's up with that??!!

(Very funny post, btw)

the Bag Lady said...

BG, I'm just glad it didn't melt onto my contact lenses!! **Note to self - wear protective eyewear when cooking after tarting self up**

Crabby - if I did sue, and won all that money, I could get a high-speed internet connection, couldn't I? Hmmm, perhaps it would be worth not having eyelashes...

Geosomin said...

a little tarted up... :)

Wow...I didn't know you could melt your eyelashes like that. I don't wear mascara as my eyelashes are long and leave marks on my glasses when I do. I'm sudden'y glad I don't. I'd call the company and let them know about that...they probably don't test for that in the customer safety area :)

the Bag Lady said...

Geosomin - you're lucky to have long eyelashes. The Bag Lady has stubby, practically non-existent eye lashes.
Don't know if it would do any good to notify the company. They'd probably just think the Bag Lady an idiot....

Anonymous said...

WOW! I have to admit I have never heard of such a thing happening. I do wear mascara regularly, but since I rarely cook I guess I am out of danger. :-)
Missicat

the Bag Lady said...

Missicat - now there's a good idea! Stop cooking and just be beautiful, instead!! :)

Emily said...

holy cow...that's horrible. It sounds like the kinda thing they'd have a warning label against after they lost a frivolous lawsuit. Not that melting your eyelashes is frivolous...but oh well, you know what I mean. I hope they grow back soon! You could always wear an eye patch and pretend to be a pirate.

the Bag Lady said...

Emily, that's a hoot! Wonder what the Cowboy would say if he came home to a pirate in the kitchen...

Reb said...

Sis, that is awful! I certainly would let the company know in no uncertain terms that that is not acceptable. At the very least you might get some coupons or free samples of stuff.

Hilary said...

Yikes, Baggie. That sounds nasty.. and hysterical. My mascara is water and smudge proof too.. uh oh.

Listen to your sister.. you should contact them.

Clare2e said...

My mascara is required to be all those proofs, too, or it'll be smeared in 15 minutes, and I cook quite a bit with a huge gas stove. I was shocked to read what happened, but am very glad only hair was damaged, and that you've retained you sense of humor, if not your come-hithers for the moment. Jeepers!

the Bag Lady said...

Reb - the company would probably tell me to keep my face out of the oven!!
Hilary - it was kinda funny, and certainly gives the Bag Lady a rather rakish look - especially with the pirate's patch.... :)

the Bag Lady said...

Hi, Clare! Sorry - we were posting simultaneously.
I admit, this has never happened before, and I wore mascara all the time at work in the kitchen.

It obviously hasn't made a huge difference in my appearance, or the Cowboy is just too kind to say anything. Nah, he'd have a field day if he knew I'd singed my eyelashes, so he can't have noticed!

Dawn said...

That's awful. I think you should tell the company. I bet they never tested for THAT!

Have to admit (very shamefaced) I was bellowing with laughter as I read about your experience. I'm sorry. I must try harder to be sensitive!

the Bag Lady said...

Hi, Dawn - I'm so glad you found my trials amusing! ;) Have to admit, instead of being upset at the loss of my eyelashes, my first thought was: this will make a hysterical blog post...how sick is that?

I did email the company, but it was difficult to express the horror of this experience in a succinct 225 words.

Have not yet had a response, but will keep you all posted.

JavaChick said...

That does not sound like a pleasant experience at all. Hope the eyelashes grow back!

the Bag Lady said...

Hi, Javachick - it wasn't something I want to repeat anytime soon!
The remnants of my eyelashes are all the same length, anyway!

Hilary said...

"my first thought was: this will make a hysterical blog post...how sick is that?"

Not quite as sick as us all secretly wishing you'd have posted a pic. ;)

And I just remembered that I owe you some hawk photos.. coming right up!

the Bag Lady said...

Hil - I thought of posting a photo, but....